success.

so, i didn't cure cancer or send a man to the moon but i did set out to do something – post every day for a month – and did it, which, for me these days is something to celebrate.

i think i'll keep it up, too.

maybe not every single day but most days.

i thought about ending the month with a bang but today's not a bang kinda day.

i have two little freelance projects in the works and this mommy's going to use her free time (also known as bonzo's nap time) to make a little headway on 'em.

i've got a few good things in the hopper, though.

and i'll be back at it soon – probably tomorrow!

holiday hangover

bonzo sure soaked in some serious fun over the past few days.

all semblance of our normal routine and structure temporarily fell by the wayside as we enjoyed lots of family and festivities – and a very bushed bonzo is all that remains:

i can't tell you how good it feels to have a nice, quiet monday – bonz and i are getting back into our groove.

we took our morning walk to the post office for holiday stamps (yawn, btw – are cool ones out of the question?), did a quick tidy-up around the house, got the laundry going and spent a small fortune at whole foods restocking the cupboards and fridge.

i get major satisfaction from an industrious day around the house, i have to say.

an apron and chocolate chip cookies are in my near future. seriously.

it's beginning to look a lot like christmas

it was crystal clear and sunny (as you can tell by the harsh light in the photos below) but windy and chilly, chilly, chilly at the christmas tree lot today.

i still haven't even grasped that thanksgiving has come and gone and yet choo choo is hanging a wreath on our door and getting the tree ready to bring inside.

bonzo's going to trip out when he wakes up from his nap and sees a tree in his living room.

cop out

so this whole posting every day for a month thing...

i doubt very much that anyone's really holding me to it but i'm holding myself to it.

thing is, though, that tonight i'm tired and i feel like getting cozy and finishing the movie that the chooch and i started last night.

i know that there have been some short posts keeping this month-streak alive and this one's totally a throw away... but it's a post nonetheless, dammit!

nitey nite.

xx

black (and white) friday

thankful...

... for this sweet face:

... and too many other things to list.

happy thanksgiving!

heavy rotation

i love when music engulfs you and all you want to do is listen to the same record over and over.

i pretty much think jenny lewis (and every project she's involved with – yes, every) rules...

and the collaboration with her very talented boyfriend jonathan rice, jenny and johnny, is no exception.

you've killed it again, jenny.

listen for yourself:

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unconditional parenting | 2. reconsider your requests

next up in my little review of the unconditional parenting principals is:

reconsider your requests

and it's a goodie.

here's a snippet:

"... the problem isn't with the child but with what it is you're demanding. It's remarkable how few books written for parents even raise this possibility. The vast majority of them take whatever their readers want their kids to do as the point of departure, and then offer techniques for getting compliance. In most cases, these techniques involve 'positive reinforcement' or 'consequences' – that is, bribes and threats. "

seriously.

it's so simple but, dude... it's pretty deep stuff.

and now that i'm in tune with this, i really think about my requests.

of course, i realize that a request made to a sixteen month old is different to one made to a three year old and we're not even at a point where bribes and/or threats could even come into play (and i have every hope and intention that they will not) but this is some serious food for thought.

plus it's quite easy for me to imagine myself in situations that i have a 100% certainty of facing in the

not-so-far-off future that i can apply this mode of thought to.

it's pretty radical compared to what, i think, the norm is, too.

sometimes it's like the adult mommy-and-daddy figures are the bosses.

what they say goes.

do what you're told.

they're the ones in charge, you're the kid.

it almost stops me in my tracks to think how simple but how true the notion of reconsidering one's requests is, meeting half-way, negotiating, compromising – or at least just being open to the idea... and stopping for a minute to take the child's age and your own expectation into consideration.

alfie kohn suggests that we ask ourselves whether or not a child should do something just because they're able to do it.

if an experience is excruciating (in his example, a child who hates practicing piano) shouldn't we ask ourselves why we force it upon our child?

rewind to yesterday evening's swim lesson.

bonz does not love the swim lessons.

we started him a few months back and he hated it – the noisy and chaotic indoor pool environment didn't help matters, either.

so we took a few months off and started back last week.

and it was alright – we didn't go under water and just splashed and reacquainted ourselves with the pool and the class.

yesterday, however, he just wasn't into it.

he was crying – hard.

so we got out of the water and i held him close while he watched and cried and watched and cried... but then he was motioning towards the water so we got back in and finished up the class and he was okay – on the fence but okay.

it's hard not to look at a situation like this with alfie-kohn-lenses on.

should i keep at lessons even though he seemingly doesn't like them – just push through?

as the instructor said, "it's your will against his." (btw: ewwww.)

or should i put the brakes on the whole operation again and try it again another time – a different pool, different instructor?

i think my answer is in the middle: we'll try again next week and if bonzo responds to it we'll continue but if he's telling me no shouldn't i listen? reconsider my request maybe?

there's more of this reconsidering stuff to come as life unfolds, i know.

i've hardly even gotten my pinky toe wet at this point but i love the seed it plants in my mind and how it gets me thinking – and always challenging my thoughts and myself.

three cheers, alfie kohn.

ps: the first installment to what will become a thirteen-post-long series is here.

j'adore jojoba

i love me some jojoba oil.

la ronna jojoba oil, specifically.

it's perfection in a bottle... it can be used a zillion ways and the owners always give me a new tip or trick for how to use it when i drop by their booth at the farmer's market to stock up.

it's certified organic and they only bottle it in glass which is rad because jojoba penetrates and absorbs plastic – so if you buy jojoba in a plastic bottle you wind up with plastic-chemical-laced jojoba oil: lame.

it's rad as a body oil and i love giving bonzo an after-bath massage with it, too.

he's never really been one for diaper rash but he gets a little pink in the tush-department from time to time – a little jojoba oil and we're back in business.

you can add it to your shampoo, remove your make-up with it, shave with it – the list goes on.

right now, though, i'm stoked on using it as a base for a homemade – and infinitely healthier – vicks vaporub for when stuffy noses strike.

add a dash of eucalyptus, rosemary and lavender oils to a splash of jojoba and apply to you or your babe's chest and/or back, breathe deeply and appreciate how amazing mother nature is.

if you're not a regular on the santa barbara farmer's market scene you can totally order it online - yay!

(as an aside, i'm totally not affiliated with the company in any way... other than just liking their product a whole bunch.)

the great american garage clean-out

today choo choo and i tackled the garage.

my mom came by to hang with bonzo so we could clean and organize like crazy...

and dudes, we did.

everything was taken off the shelves, dusted then put back in a place that makes sense, thrown away or loaded into the back of the car and dropped off at the thrift store.

we could now host thanksgiving dinner in the garage if we were so inclined.

we're too pooped to pop...

something tells me it'll be an early bedtime 'round here for all three of us.

(knitting in the) round two

since my first beanie turned out to be a little smaller than anticipated, i decided to whip out another one. same yarn, just a wee bit bigger so it'll... you know... actually fit.

i'm on the home stretch, double pointed needles and all.

ps: there may be pom-poms involved this go-around!

pretty in pink

i'm definitely not the girliest of girls but our camellia tree is in full bloom and i am loving these pink little beauties:

happy friday!

christmas is coming

dude.

where has time gone?

christmas is slowly creeping its way towards us.

and by slowly, of course i mean at a somewhat alarmingly rapid speed.

but that's cool.

a season about spreading good cheer and happy tidings? what's not to love?

and wouldn't this be fun to see on my front door, greeting me with multi-colored tidings every day? i think i see a project in my near future.

adorable:

ps: it's not the least bit surprising (or original of me to even mention) but the people over at madewell sure know how to make a girl's wish-list expand. quickly.

their cute little gift guide is causing me stress. never mind that i could just take my finger and point willy nilly to anything on the site and be quite happy with it.

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gratitude

in loving memory of aunt sis.

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forecast

this afternoon i took bonzo on a little pre-nap neighborhood stroll – falling asleep with a light breeze and sunshine on my toes sounds alright by me.

there's an older gentleman that lives down the block that we often see out in his garden while we're walking and we always exchange hellos.

today he remarked about the beautiful day we're in the midst of – sunny and warm the week before thanksgiving. then he said it sounded like we're in for some rain, shrugged his shoulders and said,

"we'll know it's here when we see it".

words to live by, really.

nap well, bonz... i love you.

unconditional parenting | 1. be reflective

as i mentioned the other day, i want to give some thought to each of alfie kohn's unconditional parenting principals one by one.

so today's the day for number one:

be reflective

"the best parents are introspective and willing to give themselves a hard time" writes alfie kohn.

lately i've been trying to do a lot of this:

looking at how i handle situations with bonzo that are just starting to arise now that we're squarely in toddlerhood... looking at how i handle myself when i feel challenged, tense or frazzled.

i try to use each situation as a dressed rehearsal of sorts so i can try to work through ways of dealing that feel the best to me... that feel consistent with the parent (and human) i want to be, and what i want to model for the bonz.

it helps me feel prepared for the main act – when gentle discipline is in full swing.

he goes on to say that "the qualities that particularly irritate some people about their children turn out to be unwelcome reminders of their own least appealing features."

oh, alfie.

now, at sixteen months old, there's not a lot about the bonz that i find particularly irritating.

talk to me again in a year or two and i'm sure i could give you a list.

but the one thing that consistently gets to me is a little thing called patience... and it's a vicious cycle, i'm fully aware.

bonzo, like every toddler, wants what he wants when he wants it... scratch that... before he even wants it... if there was something faster than instantaneous that's what how he'd want his desires to be met.

totally normal. he's learning, i get it.

and i take it in stride – it truly is all a part of the fun.

but, i'm human, and there are days – particularly in the 5:00 pm to 7:30 pm window – where his (totally natural) absence of patience absolutely annihilates any shred of patience i have. those are not my finest moments.

i react impatiently – modeling impatience. rad.

what's irritating me most about my child is what irritates me the most about myself.

so here's where the introspection and ability to give myself a hard time comes in:

i really do reflect on those times and try to learn from them.

there's no way to avoid situations that test my patience... sometimes they're visible off on the horizon so i like to give myself a little pep talk and try to set an intention for how i'd like to handle it.

and if a challenge sneaks up on me – as one often does – i always try to think about it afterwards and reflect on what went well and what could be improved.

i have no problem giving myself a hard time, let me tell you. i mean, i'm not going to beat myself up but i'm totally aware that there's always room for improvement.

honest reflection.

it seems so basic – and it is – but dude. it works wonders.

on an unrelated (but cute) note:

hi mom. i'm just going to take a seat in the saucepan.

what a difference a year makes

bonzo's been napping on a nursing pillow on our bed practically forever.

well, unless he napped in my arms which happened a lot in his first year... and well, sometimes still does - we love it, what can i say?

since we co-sleep, his crib has always pretty much been alien territory for him - i tried to put him down for a nap in it a couple times when he was maybe five months old and we both hated it... i'd transfer a sleeping bonzo from my arms to the crib, he'd wake up instantly and cry and i'd scoop him up, nurse him and hold him.

so, admittedly, i didn't exactly give him the hard sell on the crib. but i had no reason to, really. our napping style was totally working - i'd just given into suggestion and thought i'd try to put my baby down for a nap in his crib since it'd been sitting in his room totally unused.

but after a try or two i snapped out of it and did what worked for me and bonz:

our bed.

anyways, for a not-in-arms nap, i started transferring bonz onto one of our nursing pillows and coziness ensued.

here he is one year ago today:

and here he is right this minute:

it's hard to believe he's the same guy... look what a year did to him!

unconditional parenting inspiration

i heart alfie kohn - just to put that out there right now.

what a rad guy.

his book unconditional parenting (and the dvd of a lecture he gave based on it) completely rules.

i thought the dvd would be a great way to get choo choo on board with some of the parenting ideas i'd been reading about and was always trying to paraphrase for him.

because what makes complete and total sense to me while i'm reading never seems to come across as well when i try to reiterate it for the chooch.

and it's big stuff.

big stuff that i want to (try to) get right.

i want him to be as on board and interested in all this parenting stuff as i am - and he is.

he's just not as inclined to devour books about it.

so i bought the unconditional parenting dvd.

i knew it would be great but it's really, really great.

the production quality ain't much to write home about, visually it's a bit dated and there are no fancy special effects or anything but watching and listening to alfie kohn discuss the principals of unconditional parenting, which he's very passionate about, is so inspiring - and it really helped solidify the material in the book.

and, most importantly, it got the chooch excited about what i'd been trying to describe to him.

i mean, who better to describe the details of the book but the author himself?

we were super stoked and surprised to see that alfie kohn had a rare west coast speaking engagement over the summer.

i jumped online to buy tickets to see him with the kind of enthusiasm i've had for buying concert tickets! sign of the (parenting) times, heh.

he was doing a little book signing meet-and-greet before he spoke so we got a book and chatted with him briefly before he began.

the talk he gave was largely centered around education - more specifically about alternative schooling and learning - but what it was interesting because the overall undercurrent still went back to his principals of unconditional parenting. it was such an interesting lecture.

he's a really talented public speaker... he knows his stuff, that alfie kohn.

both chooch and i felt really lucky to have had the opportunity to hear him speak...

he is incredibly inspiring.

so, as kind of an ongoing series, i thought i'd go over the "baker's dozen" (as he puts it) principals of unconditional parenting.

talking (or typing) these things out really helps me feel prepared for what's to come... so i'm takin' it to the blog!

here they are all at once... and i'm going to write about them one by one in future posts... it's a good opportunity for me to re-read the book and meditate on it a little at a time:

1. be reflective

2. reconsider your requests

3. keep your eye on the long-term goals

4. put the relationship first

5. change how you see, not just how you act

6. R-E-S-P-E-C-T

7. be authentic

8. talk less, ask more

9. keep their ages in mind

10. attribute to children the best possible motive consistent with the facts

11. don't stick your no's in unnecessarily

12. don't be rigid

13. don't be in a hurry

amen.

more soon on all of this...

completion

the beanie for bonzo?

done.

so funny how i put off knitting a shaped something because i didn't think i could pull it off.

duh.

turns out knitting a beanie is easy – even when it requires that you transfer your stitches off circular needles to three double pointed needles right before you hit the finish line.

also turns out that it's a little too small for the bonz... it fits but it's snug.

i decreased! look:

i'm already starting a bigger version for the bonz.

stand-by for photos.

and i've got plans for beanies galore!

fun stuff, knitting.

happy saturday.

out of the closet

just did a massive closet and dresser purge and let me tell you: it feels amazing.

tons of stuff that made the cut in previous purgings got the axe today.

and some of the stuff i've been hanging onto? dude.

out with the old!

in with the new? yes please!

backyard farm

i have so many ideas and plans for our yard.

well, yards: front, back and sides.

we're so stoked on all the trees we have (three avocados, apricot, satsuma plum, santa rosa plum, fig, white peach, navel orange, juice orange, lemon and lime) but what i really want to do is start a rad vegetable garden.

our south-facing side yard is begging for raised beds... it's the perfect spot.

my meager little vegetable garden that's sharing real estate with (out of control thorny death trap) rose bushes just isn't cutting it... there's just not space to really go for it.

i want a little back yard farm, man...

... and maybe a couple extra days in the week to tend to it.

i'll probably still grow beans along the back fence - and continue with a summer squash or two right there as well... but the next logical step is raised beds.

and how lame am i for not composting? that's on the list as well.

i need to plug away and research the particulars... i have so much to learn.

sometimes i fantasize about just hiring (ha!) someone to come help me figure it out and put it all together because it feels so overwhelming - where do i even begin?

but then - duh - just figure it out. that's the fun and experience.

i have a few bookmarks that i need to just commit to... i just keep putting it off because i feel like i need to wait until we're really ready.

choo choo, sharpen your pencil and get ready to draft up some plans!

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rise and shine, bonz.

(consider us aboard the wordless wednesday bandwagon!)

bird watchin'

we decided to get a little bird feeder to hang from the apricot tree that bonzo faces from the kitchen table since he loves to watch the birdies so much.

it took them a day or so to catch the drift that there was a hanging buffet in our side yard but the word's out now... and the bird watching? it's on.

we watch them have their breakfast every morning while we have ours... it's pretty great.

when he sees them, bonzo signs "birdie" and says "twee twee twee"... and i swoon over the cuteness.

bumps and bruises

we were at my mom's house this morning and bonz was lapping the house, as per usual.

then i heard: trip-splat-bam.

i leapt to him faster than i previously believed humanly possible and he was lying on the hardwood floor on his tummy... clearly he'd tripped while running.

i was really worried because i didn't see it so i didn't know what'd hit the ground when i heard the bam.

he was crying really hard - sound was eeking out but he was so sad and hurt and scared - and tears were flying out of his eyes.

i was trying to remain calm so i could comfort him and make sure he was okay... thankfully my mom was with me to help out in the calm-department.

between kisses and hugs i noticed a little goose egg starting to swell on his forehead.

and then the vision of how he fell came to light.

my poor baby.

he caught his breath and stopped crying, had a little nursing session and was shaking it off...

i, however, was just starting to get flooded with worry.

i mean, i knew i didn't need to haul off to the emergency room but dude...

his forehead hit hardwood: i'm calling the doctor's office.

the advice nurse called me back moment's later and was so reassuring and rad.

i told her what happened and how he'd been acting since - and that he was sitting in his meme's lap reading stories as i spoke to her.

she ran down the list of things to look for (open wounds, vomiting, lethargy etc - the bonz was totally in the clear) and told me not to sweat his upcoming nap but just to keep an eye on him throughout the day which, obviously, i would.

sigh.

is bubble wrapping the universe feasible?

here he is in the next room, napping as i type. check the goose egg.

i figure i'll just go sit next to him and knit rather than get up every ten minutes and check on him.

oh bonz.

you took a little tumble today, buddy.

no place like home

we had a nice weekend away - saw family, celebrated a special first birthday and took a little dip to-boot.

but, as always, i love coming home.

my rad cousin took this photo of bonzo in the 'cuzi... i heart her. and bonz does too.

and we're off!

me, bonz and flapjack are going out of town for the weekend...

chooch is stayin' behind to hold down the fort.

we'll be back tomorrow!

my traveling companions:

a beanie for bonzo

i'm making a beanie for bonzo.

it's totally a beginner's pattern, nothing complicated - but i'm stoked because i've been wanting to learn how to make beanies for a long time.

so i'm finally doing it instead of saying someday i'll do it.

i know... it's a beanie. it's not a huge item to check off the list but still: hooray for me.

it's the little things that make me happiest sometimes.

bonz,

this will warm your sweet little noggin this winter!

love, mommy

skunk.

okay, this one's short and sweet - not even sweet. just short, i guess.

i really do want to post everyday for a month but i'm keepin' it realistic.

i'm still reeling from what just happened this morning so here goes.

me and the bonz had a playdate with a good friend of mine and her babe, who's bonzo's age.

we'd just arrived at the park and made our way down to the little playground area.

we set our stuff down and my friend asks me if i smell a skunk - but i didn't.

she sits down on the bench and starts nursing her baby... bonzo's taking off across the soccer field trying to make his way to the tractor parked 100 yards away.

i scoop him up and take him back to the playground and both boys are toddling around, right by the bench my friend is sitting on which is next to two trash cans - one without a lid of any kind.

do you see where this is going?

a minute later my friend asks me if i hear a noise, which i did.

we suddenly realize it's coming from the trash can.

the trash can both of our babies are 10 feet away from, the trash can she's sitting next to.

we both scoop up our littles and pause... yes, there's definitely something in there.

we were both too scared to look.

let me tell you, anything remotely rodent does not work for me: mice and rats to opossums and skunks. they're all on the same list for me.

despite this, i got on my tippy toes and spied very tips of the tell-tale black and white fur, screamed and ran away.

that's the end of the story.

nothing really happened.

but dude.

it could have happened.

can you imagine if it had sprayed us? or worse: the babies?

are skunks aggressive like raccoons? bonzo and his buddy were just toddling around dragging sticks in the dirt. right there.

scary.

and gross.

the end.

live. learn. rinse. repeat.

yesterday started out as a great day...

it was smooth sailing from morning to nap time - except nap time didn't really end up happening which is where things started to unravel.

in the light of a new day i can look back at yesterday and it's all so crystal clear - ridiculously obvious, really.

rewinding:

sunday was halloween.

we had family and friends over, carved pumpkins and handed out candy to trick or treaters.

it was a really fun, albeit unusually lively, evening and the bonz was pretty wound up with all the excitement. he didn't know what to make of all the kids charging our front door only to bee-line down the driveway and out of sight. the awe wore off after the first handful of trick or treaters and the downward spiral began... he was happy and sad, laughing and crying, wanting to be held and put down, wanting to run around and sit down all at the very same time.

everyone left and it was bedtime but sleeping wasn't a possibility.

bonzo was in no shape to downshift.

i tried to nurse him but he was too wound up to settle down so we got up and joined the chooch in the front of the house.

a dinosaur-jammied bonzo did a few laps on foot, celebrating the change of energy in the house now that it was just the three of us... we got a few more kids at the door... we read a couple books, played with some toys and ran around a little more.

it was well past bedtime at this point but he was still going.

so, like we do every night, i popped in the shower while choo choo and bonzo had story time on the bed... then i nursed him down to sleep.

bonzo just needed a little time to shift his energy and for things to feel more normal.

the next day he napped for three straight hours.

then yesterday he napped for zero hours.

so here's the obviousness:

bonz was still a little out of sorts from a big weekend and a thrown-off schedule (and i may have forgotten to mention that he's cutting molars, too).

but for some reason i met every moment from when i realized the nap wasn't going to happen with resistance.

and i think the some reason was because i didn't just stop and check in with myself to figure out what was going on with bonzo - and with me.

if i'd stopped for a minute i would have realized that bonzo was still thrown off - and in teething pain no less.

i would have realized that i really needed a minute to myself and that that's okay but was going to have to wait - it wasn't going to happen when i'd been expecting it would.

key word: expecting.

i know better... but alas.

instead i was so bummed that he didn't nap.

dude, just typing that is humbling and makes me feel so ridiculous.

he didn't nap? seriously?!

it's absolutely laughable to me today... but yesterday it was anything but funny.

not to point out the obvious but an over-tired fifteen month old is gnarly... especially when it's combined with a frazzled mommy.

if patience was a rope, i was at the end of it.

and so the rest of the afternoon was a series of ughs and general resistance to what was.

it's so clear to me today - where was i yesterday?

four words i try to meditate on often: what you resist persists.

yesterday was a pristine example.

makes me think about a few words from our wedding vows and how they apply to my everyday life:

be with your other in freedom.

love the freedom of your other and all that it blossoms into.

be flexible.

be in the moment.

be present and have no expectations.

anyways... not to wax all zen but yesterday was a doozy.

i'm living and learning over here.

incidentally, today has been rad. business as usual.

me and the bonz had an adventure at the ellwood monarch butterfly grove.

oh, and he's napping as i'm typing this!

bonzo and chooch

bonzo got a pair of sunglasses in a party favor bag recently and thinks they're pretty rad so he likes to wear them any chance he gets...

swoon:

spinach rounds

i love experimenting in the kitchen and coming up with stuff for bonz to try...

i cannot tell you how much pleasure and satisfaction i derive from watching him enjoy eating healthy foods.

here's a recipe that the bonz has signed off on.

full of greens and healthy goodness - plus easy to make and easy to alter.

2 bags organic baby spinach

several leaves of organic kale and/or collard greens and/or a handful of broccoli florets

3-4 organic carrots, shredded

1 tbsp-ish olive oil

1 egg

2 tbsp-ish fresh ground flax seeds (i buy them whole and grind them)

2 tbsp-ish fresh ground chia seeds (ditto)

2 tbsp-ish fresh ground organic sunflower seeds (ditto again)

2 tbsp-ish nutritional yeast

preheat oven to 375.

steam the greens and chop them up, combine with all other ingredients and mix well with a wooden spoon.

drop small portions onto parchment lined cookie sheet and form into a little patty that's about 2" in diameter.

or you can spray a mini muffin tin with olive oil and bake them as little cups - i like the way they turn out when they're baked on parchment better and so does the bonz.

bake for 25 minutes or until the edges are looking a little golden brown and crispy.

they can be refrigerated and/or frozen.

bonz likes 'em crumbled as finger food or eaten as a patty - cold or warm - and reheated on the stove top, added to quinoa, brown rice pasta with sauce.

bon appetite, bonz.