no nap, no problem, never mind

how's this for a speedy update?
just a few short minutes later:

i love you, cozy time.

no nap, no problem

yes, it would be a lot cooler if bonzo decided to nap today. especially since he is, in fact, tired from waking up early and, you know, cutting molars.

[you can lead a horse to water... ]

today we're trying a little something that we've just coined cozy time.
i set up a little space next to me in the office with pillows, a blanket, stories, water and oatios.
and bonzo's on his own (four feet to my right that is) to read, lounge and have some quiet, cozy time to himself in lieu of a nap.

i'm happy. he's happy.

oh, and nine years ago today me and the chooch smooched for the first time and pretty much sealed the deal.

this photo was taken that following winter, i think. in mammoth. he snowboarded. i ate shit. feels like a million (wonderful) years ago. i love you, choo choo.

meant to be

wrap it up, we'll take it.

blueberry pancakes

i always skim new posts at smitten kitchen for ideas and inspiration, bookmarking a few here and there, usually wishing i was that confident and adventurous in the kitchen.

the other morning i remembered a blueberry pancake recipe i'd recently seen that sounded perfect because, a) it seemed easy and quick, b) i had (almost) everything on hand, c) it was an excuse to use up some of our massive blueberry stockpile, d) i love an excuse to eat pancakes.

i used unsweetened coconut milk instead of milk and i used 1/2 cup all purpose flour, 1/2 cup whole wheat pastry flour and 1/4 cup coconut flour just because that's what i had. and probably only 1 tbsp of sugar.

i was a little hurried with the preparation and was less that precise with my measurements as a result.

i think i may have inadvertently skimped on the lemon zest – next time i'll probably be a little more generous with it because i'm sure they'd be that much yummier. 

oh, and as an aside, i'd probably not decide to make them the morning of bonzo's 9 a.m. pediatrician's appointment. unless we got out of bed, oh, before 7:30. 

hindsight's 20/20, you know?

Blueberry Yogurt Multigrain Pancakes

Makes 12 to 14 4-inch pancakes

2 large eggs
1 cup plain, full-fat yogurt
2 to 4 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons butter, plus extra for buttering skillet
1/2 teaspoon lemon zest
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup (62 grams) whole wheat flour
1/2 cup (68 grams) all-purpose flour
1/4 cup (32 grams) barley or rye flour
2 tablespoons sugar
1 tablespoons plus 1 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon table salt
1 cup blueberries, rinsed and dried

Melt half of butter. Remove from heat and stir in second tablespoon of butter until melted. This keeps your butter from being too hot when you next want to add it to the wet ingredients.

Whisk egg and yogurt together in the bottom of a medium/large bowl. If you’re using a thin yogurt, no need to add any milk. If you’re using regular yogurt, stir in 2 tablespoons milk. If you’re using a thick/strained or Greek-style yogurt, add 3 to 4 tablespoons milk. Whisk in melted butter, zest and vanilla extract. In a separate, small bowl, combine flours, sugar, baking powder and salt. Stir dry ingredients into wet only until dry ingredients are moistened. A few remaining lumps is fine.

Preheat your oven to 200°F and have a baking sheet ready (to keep pancakes warm). Heat your skillet or saute pan to medium. If you’ve got a cast-iron skillet, this is my favorite for pancakes. Melt a pat of butter in the bottom and ladle a scant 1/4 cup (about 3 tablespoons) batter at a time, leaving at space between each pancake. Press a few berries into the top of each pancake. The batter is on the thick side, so you will want to use your spoon or spatula to gently nudge it flat, or you may find that pressing down on the berries does enough to spread the batter. When the pancakes are dry around the edges and you can see bubbles forming on the top, about 3 to 4 minutes, flip them and cook for another 3 minutes, until golden underneath. (If you listen closely, after a minute you’ll hear you blueberries pop and sizzle deliciously against the pan.) If pancakes begin cooking too quickly, lower the heat. Transfer pancakes to warm oven as they are done cooking, where you can leave them there until you’re ready to serve them.

Serve in a big stack, with fixings of your choice. Do not anticipate leftovers.

we had leftovers which i froze for (sooner than) later consumption. i use the toaster to reheat them which makes 'em hot but not soggy. done and done.

a backyard fiesta for bonzo

this year's festivities were decidedly smaller than last year. just the grandparents, auntie and best pal, lyla – oh, and her parents, too. but i made invites nonetheless. it's still a party!


zinnias and marigolds from bonzo's flower garden.


homemade blueberry muffins – errrrr, birthday cake – made with freshly picked birthday berries.


mint and lemon from the garden – my new favorite.


¡sombreros y party favors!






señor giraffe-pool was filled with balls instead of water for the festivities...


... which was loads of fun.




¡fiesta!








talk about a fun fiesta.
being two rules. just ask bonzo.

birthday feelings

bonzo made out like a bandit on his birthday.
he got some great stuff that requires his input, doesn't require batteries, and encourages imaginative play.
so rad. quality not quantity. music to my ears.

play kitchen courtesy of wonderful grandpa and nonna:




bonzo powered sound effects. these knobs say chhhhhhhh!


massive amounts of fun kitchen fixins from auntie and her main squeeze:




and the 'struction site sand table courtesy of bonzo's sweet meme:

now here's the thing about birthdays.
feelings and birthdays go hand-in-hand, do they not?
it seems to be a universal truism. big expectations, big feelings.
i completely get it. birthdays and holidays have often felt like high-pressure-to-have-fun occasions to me. to the point of relief when they're over.

with this – and bonzo's age and personality – in mind, we kept things mellow this year. too much of anything is overwhelming for bonzo and i specifically didn't want to put him in a situation where he might find himself on overwhelm. there's just no need for it.

but sometimes overwhelm finds us – even when we're trying to avoid it.

i'll admit that i was super excited for him to see his little sand table because i knew he'd love it. he likes sand, he loves trucks and he loves, loves construction. so while i intended to just let him casually discover this magically set up in his backyard upon waking from his nap, i may have nudged him in that direction. also, a certain mommy may have coaxed him to wake up just slightly before he was truly ready to. eek. typing that makes me cringe! what a jerk mom i am.
thing is, i just wanted him to have time to play before we left to meet his grandparents (chooch's parents) and my mom for an early and very casual dinner. and he'd been napping for a long time. still cringing. this is so not how i roll. but i was excited. still, i blew it.

fast forward and we're outside and he's checking out his new digs.
of course he goes straight for the excavator only to discover that he couldn't really do it. this thing says it's for ages two and up. i think with a little (calm) practice he'd figure it out in a heartbeat. but that's the problem: bonzo wasn't in any state to be figuring stuff out. he got so pissed. so frustrated. so mad.

we played and scooped with our shovels but the excavator was too alluring. it kept drawing him back into it's web only to re-open the wounds. he kept saying he wanted to play with it but it was making him so mad that he was screaming at it. things went from south to south.

it was time to call it good and come on inside. feelings were to be felt, the writing was on the wall.

bonzo was not a happy guy at this point. and i was feeling about an inch tall. this may still have happened if i'd been a little more capable of normal decision making (ie: letting my child nap completely, letting him discover his toys without suggestion) but it was clear to me that i had a major hand in the meltdown that was unfolding before my eyes.

and a meldown it was. oh boy. bonzo was crying hard. he was arching out of my arms. wanting to be held but wanting to get down. sweating. crying. flailing. rolling on the floor. raging.

i held him when he wanted to be in my arms and stayed close but gave him space when he needed to flail about on the floor. i stayed as calm as i could, checked in with him with eye contact as often as i could. told him i understood but didn't try to use many words to fuel the fire, confuse the situation.

this was a major event. usually i'm steadfast and totally calm and okay with the crying. but my internal dialog was starting to waiver: he just wants to go back outside. maybe we could go try it again and see how it goes.
but then i would snap back to reality. a limit was set and i knew it needed to be held. this needed to run its course. all was okay.

we were pushing twenty minutes of epic feeling-of-feelings. i started to worry that we should call and cancel dinner. it wasn't looking like bonzo was in any condition for a restaurant experience anytime soon. but i tried not to think beyond the moment and continued to let bonzo get it out.

he took it from an eleven on the scale of one to ten then brought it down to an eight. then a seven. then a five. then to six. seven, eight. deep breath. five. deep breath. five, four, three. three, three, four. deep breath. two, one.

the calm had come. the page had turned. he felt the feelings.

whew.

we cleaned up, gathered our things and headed out to dinner where we proceeded to have a lovely, mellow, calm, cool and collected birthday dinner with our family.

and the sand table – with excavator temporarily removed – was back in bonzo's good graces lickety split.

the feelings just needed to get out, that's all.

listening/loving

two

it's been a great day – and it's only naptime.

bonzo took one look at his present from me and chooch this morning and got down to business immediately.
there it was, poised right next to the otherwise too-high counters just in time for pancake makin'.

i know someone who was awfully pleased to participate:








then, all filled up on pancakes and love, we barreled up the coast to pick blueberries – again.
this time we brought my mama.









the dimpled elbows? they hurt my heart i love 'em so much.






as always, bonzo is just as happy to do a little groundskeeping as he is anything else.
here he is with his trimmer-tree: bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!


morning snack of blueberries and a cuppie.


my cute mama/bonzo's cute meme.




we wised up this time and picked two buckets worth. thankfully they freeze well.






oink.

firsts and seconds

tomorrow marks the day bonzo turns two.
this mama's got mixed emotions about it... my heart aches a bit that my newborn baby boy is two.
two.
it's one thing to type it or say it but it's entirely another to feel it.
i'm so happy and nostalgic and weepy and excited all at once. i love to watch him become the guy he is but i wish i could bottle this time up – or slow the clock down a little at the very least.
i keep breathing him in, wanting to hold on tight.

two years ago today i was quite round and wondering when i was going to meet the little person growing inside of me for all these months. i didn't know if bonzo was going to be a boy or a girl.
i had no idea the amount of love i would be capable of feeling – even though i thought i knew exactly what i was in for: infinite love.
it's so much more than that. and it gets exponentially bigger every single day.
i loved him before i met him but the second i laid eyes on him it was all over. off the deep end, totally and completely one million percent in love love love.
oh it's juicy stuff.

one year ago we were celebrating a big milestone, complete with friends, cookies and fun.



it was a happy day.

party number two commences saturday.
i can't wait to celebrate my very favorite little guy.

wordless/wednesday

in the kitchen with bonzo

i've been making a rendition of the same recipe for a while now – it just keeps changing because i wing it on the measurements and ingredients every time based on what i have on hand and what i feel like bonzo will like best.

i'd probably call this current incarnation spinach-quinoa patties but bonzo calls them cuppies so that'll be their name henceforth, i'm sure.
i think it's because for a short while i was preparing them in a mini muffin tin and i may have referred to them as spinach cups. so now: cuppies.

anyways.

the current version of the cuppie is kicking ass and taking names at this house.
just two mornings ago bonz started to stir a little after 6 o'clock in the morning and announced – before awake – that he wanted a cuppie. he then proceeded to doze off and go back to sleep. thanks, bonzo!

i'll come right out and say that these cuppies aren't exactly easy on the eyes – nor are they something i'd request upon waking (or, frankly, any other time of the day) but if bonzo's down, i'm down.

he and i spent a little time in the kitchen today – he helped by emptying the contents of the pots and pans cupboard and requesting repeatedly to have a flour-sack dish towel wrapped around his sweet little body like he was fresh out of the shower. oh i love him.

it's a bit of a stretch to call this a recipe since it's as willy-nilly as it gets but here goes:

you'll need:
1 cup of quinoa
2 bags organic baby spinach
chia seeds
hemp seeds
flax seeds
raw sunflower seeds
pumpkin seeds (pepitas)
olive oil
nutritional yeast
2 eggs
2 zucchini
1 carrot
cooked black or pinto beans
sea salt

// preheat oven to 375º

// make a batch of quinoa: rinse 1 c. super duper well, add 2 c. water. boil. simmer with lid on for 15 minutes. fluff with a fork. store half in the fridge for later and set the other half aside for your cuppies. bonus points for using homemade chicken or vegetable stock in place of cooking it in water.

// steam two bags of organic baby spinach. when it's almost perfectly steamed remove it, soak up some excess water and chop up. i guess you could use frozen chopped spinach, too. this is actually just now occurring to me. i have the 3 quart version of this and love it.

// grate two zucchinis and a carrot.

// grind up about 2 tbsp of each: chia seeds, raw sunflower seeds, flax seeds, hemp seeds, and pumpkin seeds (pepitas) until they're fine-ish. i love this grinder i picked up a year or so ago – use it all the time.

// whip up 1/2 cup-ish of cooked beans in the food processor until smooth (or fork mash if you don't have to disguise them for a bean-hater.)

// stir to combine all the ground seeds with 2 tbsp-ish nutritional yeast, a pinch of sea salt, two eggs, 2 tbsp-ish olive oil, zucchini, carrot, pureed beans, chopped spinach and cooked quinoa.

// if the mixture is too thin i sprinkle almond meal until it's a little thicker to make patties out of.

// make little patties on an olive-oil-sprayed cookie sheet (i easily fill two with this quantity) that are about 2" in diameter.

// bake at 375º for 25 minutes or until they start to get a little brown.

// i put half in the fridge and freeze the other half for later.

// bonzo likes these warm or cold and chopped into little bite sized pieces that he can dip into a smidge of ketchup or just eat plain. score!

won't be gracing the covers of bon appétit anytime soon but bonz sure likes 'em.