oh how the days and weeks seem to be flying by.
i'll be thirty two weeks along on saturday. thirty two!
i'm feeling good. mostly normal energy – until about 4 o'clock, that is. and i get flooded by feelings of overwhelming excitement about welcoming a new little soul into our family. but i get flooded by feelings of guilt and nostalgia because our family dynamic is about to change so drastically. and i love how it is now – just me, chooch and bonz – and i get worried and riddled with guilt about changing it and upsetting sweet bonzo's life as he knows it. it'll be wonderful and i have no doubt that we'll all be better-than-fine but i can't help but feel all the feelings. will bonzo be mad at me when he realizes ours baby's here to stay? will i feel horrible when i see him hurting over the fact that things are just plain old different?
bonzo's feelings and the way he transitions is my number one priority in life but i know that i also need to... um... manage my transition into this new phase. and then of course there'll be a newborn baby to tend to and smother with love! oh, and choo choo, too. it'll all shake out, this i know. i think i can imagine what it'll be like but the truth is, i cannot. we'll just have to keep on keepin' on.
but at the end of the day i feel excited, fortunate and happy, i really do. seems it's natural for mamas to go through this range of emotions so: check!
oh, and there's the other detail of knowing what natural childbirth feels like instead of wondering what it feels like. on one hand, i have a confidence in my body i didn't have before but on the other it's a smidge daunting to think about what's ahead. i just keep reminding myself that birth is a temporary – and incredible – state of being. i can do this again, i can do this again, i can do this again.
on a side note, the washing of the hands is still major fun. this guy loves to do his own soapies and scrub to make bubbles on his hands like nobody's business. he's got the cleanest hands in town. no complaints here.
i find myself snapping pictures right and left of him and i think it's my way of trying to bottle up and cling tightly to this time that seems to be speeding by.
bonzo loves to hold his new stuffed owl, hooty, and pretend he's ours baby and he's the big brother. sweet hooty gets swaddled, burped and nursed a whole bunch. he's a good sport.
our dear friends have a pool where they live and we spent a sunny day there the other day. i was so stoked to see bonzo's confidence around the water. he's still plenty cautious and concerned about it but compared to our last dip in the pool late last summer, he's a lot more comfortable in and around the water. all you need is your time, little friend, and i'm more than happy to give you all you need always.
he got a toy leaf blower from auntie and her main squeeze last year and with it came the world's most ill-fitting and uncomfortable goggles. he's never been inclined to put them on – until the other day.
in other news, the potty's being put to some use these days! we're taking the no-approach approach. that is, we have a potty, he knows what it is, where it is and what it's for – the rest is up to him. no coaxing, no talking-it-up, no pressure, no expectation. it's rad to see him take the lead!