when i'm able to see things clearly, i can recognize that the past six months have been a bit of a whirlwind... and i can be a little more forgiving with myself for not staying on top of the things that i want to stay on top – at least to the degree that i want to stay on top of them (ie: housework, cooking, hobbies etc).
but then there's another part of me that seriously wonders why i can't have a perfectly clean house, dinner on the table every evening, a beautifully stocked refrigerator and time to do things for myself to-boot.
then there's also the part of me that feels overwhelmed defeated before i even attempt to pull it together. for example: grocery shopping, cooking, eating. you know the expression know better, do better? sometimes i feel like it's know better, feel paralyzed. here's the thing – i'm pretty interested in nutrition so i feel like i've got the "know" part pretty down. but lately i've realized that it's overwhelming me instead of empowering me.
i know that we eat well. quality is really important to me, we buy organic produce, grassfed beef blah blah blah. we're not eating spaghetti-o's and ding dongs. but i feel like i'm drowning sometimes because i know our diets are too grain-heavy (and i'm not even soaking/dehydrating/sprouting them!) and that we don't eat as much produce as i know we should. more white flour is consumed at this house than should be (ie: none) and oils that i know are shitty (canola and safflower, i'm talking to you) still weasel their way into my kitchen even though i wouldn't buy them by the bottle. sigh. it gets overwhelming, you know? like, i know what to do – um, eat a real food diet – but i feel like i just cannot make it happen to the degree i know i should. i mean, we're doing alright. we're not buying junk, we do eat real food. but still, i fret over it.
i think what i'm trying to say is what i know we should be eating and what we're actually eating aren't matching up quite as i'd like. i'm not so deluded that i can't see what's right with this picture... but i guess i'm just trying to come to terms with finding the space where i can exist peacefully: feed my family and feel good about it and not worry or feel guilty if taco tuesday is complete with (organic!) white flour tortillas.
i love reading about health and nutrition but i need to work on being okay with the fact that i'm not juicing greens everyday or that – despite headlines – we eat rice quite a bit. or that i'm not routinely fermenting and sprouting stuff on my kitchen counter. that dinner on the table is dinner on the table, even if a jar or can was opened to make it happen. (see below!)
so yeah. i'm getting a grip. and getting it together. for the first time in a while i feel like i've hit a little stride where i can actually (hopefully?) sustain it, too.
i'm trying to get serious about meal planning. you know, figuring out what we'll eat for the week then going to the grocery store and buying the items necessary to do so. revolutionary, i know. but seriously, the past six months have been filled with way too many unprepared-for trips to whole foods where i fill a cart, pay out the nose for it, get home, put it away and then lament that there's nothing to eat. it actually makes me feel so shitty just thinking about it – the wasted food, the wasted money.
last week i planned and shopped for our meals and i'm not the only one who thought it ruled. um, not having the what-do-you-feel-like-having-for-dinner conversation at 5 o'clock every night? so nice. the energy in the entire household is affected – for the better.
i think i'm also going to adopt a housework-schedule, too. a fact's a fact: i am more relaxed and happy when my house is clean and organized. my threshold for clutter and disarray is admittedly quite low. i mean, this stuff has to get done but it's so easy – for me at least – to not do a little something if i can't do everything (yeah, read above).
my hope is that i can free up a little time to do the million other things i want to do – like redesign my blog. um, post on my blog! get crafty, take pictures. all the stuff that gets shelved day after day to make room for the stuff that has to get done.
balance exists, i know it does. and if i can make my way to this space a little more, i'll share some things that are helping me find it along the way.
for now, i'll leave you with our new favorite crockpot recipe for chicken. it's so easy that even calling it a recipe is a stretch. it's entirely possible that i'm the last human to make this discovery but i'm quite happy to have made it!
put a couple (2-4) boneless skinless breasts of chicken in the crockpot, cover it with trader joe's salsa verde (2-3 jars, depending on the size of your crockpot and the amount of chicken used) and turn that mofo on. when it's done, shred it and make tacos. it's so delish. and it's even better the next day so use it in a salad, make a sandwich or have leftover tacos.
i'm still working on making my own beans – and, you know, having them actually taste good. so lately – ahem – we've been using canned!